I keep wondering why I am the one out of all the people I know who can’t get pregnant. Why is this my path? Is it something I did? Is it something I said? Is it something I took or drank or ate? Is it natural selection? Am I being punished? Why me?
Oh yea, I do get down on myself every once in a while. I cry and have my emotional outbursts and I play the “poor me” game. Why? Because I hear about people getting pregnant around me every week. Does it bother me? Yea, a little, but I get over it pretty quickly and remember that I should be happy for people and not despise them for having something I don’t. Because honestly my life is pretty great, and will continue to be great, children or no children.
I had a dog named Alex that I got when I was 13 years old in 1993, and he was with me until June of this year, which was right after his 18th birthday. I never in a million years thought he would live that long! But he just kept chugging along. About 5 or 6 years ago I was having a conversation with my mom and I said something about Alex being like my child, and that I would never have human children while he was around. I don’t know why I said it the first time. But it was so matter of fact, like the time when we brought Alex home and my mom asked what his name was and I said “Alex.” Really, Alex? Not really a dog’s name? And I said well I just know that is his name. This was just a very strong thought like I had that day and it stuck with me. I said this statement many times to people over the years, and someone just brought it up to me the other day. “Well you said you wouldn’t have children while Alex was still here on this Earth.” Oh yea! Crap! So maybe this is why we don’t have human children yet? (Yes, we have 2 doggie children, Adel and Annie) So from now on I am watching what I say, because words can be a very powerful thing once they are said out loud and sent out into the universe.
I was also thinking about the idea of having twins through this process. Yes, in case you are wondering the risk of having multiples is much higher with IVF, depending on the number of embryos you transfer. And we will not know how many we are transferring until we see how strong the embryos are, but NO people I am NOT going to be octomom!!
Anyway, when I was 15 I started working at a holistic alternative bookstore called Third Planet Books on Manchester Road. The couple who owned the place were super quirky, but the nicest people! Twice a month they would have psychic fairs in the back room and 6 or so different people each time who claimed to have “the gift” would give readings. Bobbie the owner would always tell me I could have readings done by them for free either before or after the “psychic fair”. The teenage guinea pig. Over the 2 year period that I worked there I probably had my fair share of readings, and there was one thing that always stuck out in every reading I had. Every one of these people told me I was going to have twins! TWINS? Are you crazy I am 16 years old! But this prediction kept reoccurring when my mom and I would visit other holistic fairs in other cities and states! They all said it! So needless to say it is something that has stuck with me since. Twins don’t run in my family, so I didn’t know how this prediction was going to come to fruition. But maybe this process is how it is supposed to happen.
Please don’t get me wrong, I will be ecstatic just to have one healthy baby. But I just think like I said earlier, with things being said out loud being very powerful, maybe we are meant to have twins and this is the only way for that to happen? Coincidence? Who knows!? We would love to have 2 children, and if we can do this IVF process ONE time instead of 2 that would be just perfectly ok with me. Less needles!
Soooo....today is Saturday, and in 4 days, Wednesday, we are heading into the Fertility Clinic to do injection training. Do I know what this entails? Needles! Do I want to go? NO! But I will go, because I know there is a bigger picture. But I can’t promise I won’t cry, or throw up, or pass out. Justin and I both will also have our FDA blood work screening done on Wednesday, which means several blood draws for both of us. This screening just makes sure we don't have any major diseases or issues. Ahhh! We will also receive our calendar and protocols, so I will update after our Wednesday appointment, if I survive.
As I said before I am currently taking birth control pills for 38 days prior to treatment starting. But because my body is apparently ornery, I am now taking 2 birth control pills a day, along with a prenatal vitamin, a baby aspirin, a DHA supplement, and something called DHEA. I guess there was a study performed recently with IVF patients that they gave 75mg daily of DHEA for 30 days prior to IVF and the embryos were stronger, and there were more pregnancies in the group who was given DHEA. The DHEA is in pill form and I take 25mg 3x a day. When I received the instructions from my IVF doctor to start taking it about 10 days ago, I went to GNC and picked up a 90 pill container. I went home and carefully read the label just because I had already been through the steroid prescription fiasco. The label clearly stated, DO NOT take more than 25mg daily. Side effects include hair loss, facial hair growth in women, irritability, and aggressiveness. WONDERFUL! I was supposed to take 3 times the recommended dose on the label. So I am going to be the girl who is pregnant, but is bald, has a beard, and it really angry?? LOOK OUT! Justin is so wonderful and after I told him this he looked at me with this big grin and said, “Baby I will still love you even if you are bald with a beard.” Wow, now that is love! Thanks Babe!
On pins and needles (literally)....
Jenny
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