Sunday, October 28, 2012

Today is my due date!

And man am I glad I didn't have to carry the girls to this point because I'm pretty sure I would have been bed ridden long ago! The good thing is it means the girls are now term and growing like crazy! It makes me a little sad to say they are growing so fast, but it also means they are strong and healthy so that's good!

So what has happened since I last blogged about 8 days ago? Well, our routine is more established now and we are still on an endless 3 hour changing/feeding/pumping schedule. I am learning how to manage the girls better on my own when Justin is at work during the day, but I won't say that it is easy. It can get a little monotonous at times, but then I look at their little faces and it is all worth it. Sleep is super valuable at this point and I try to sleep when the girls are sleeping in between the 3 hour cycles, but it's harder than you think because I'm always thinking of something I could be doing. We have just started in the last 2 nights trying to stretch the night feedings to 4 hours so we can get better chunks of sleep and so far the girls have done great and actually slept from 9-1am, then from 1:30am-5am, and then again from 5:30am-8:45am. Not bad for 3.5 weeks old! I've learned the best thing you can do for your baby is let them sleep as much as possible and a strict schedule gets them to sleep longer and better. We have also started feeding them more which I think helps fill their bellies longer, which in turn makes them sleep longer. We are doing breast milk during the day and then formula at night because 1. I'm not making enough to supply them with all their needs, and 2. formula at night time seems to make them fuller and sleep better. I'm not sure how much longer I'll keep pumping milk because it is super stressful and with 2 babies there almost isn't enough time in the day with the 3hr schedule, but I'm ok with formula if that is what we decide to do exclusively. I'm gonna play it day by day at this point and see how I'm feeling emotionally.

Getting out of the house is a rare treat, even if it is just to run to target or the drycleaner or even the ATM for 30 minutes is exciting now in my world! (No more 4 hour mall excursions for this girl) I did try to go get a manicure last Saturday while Justin was home with the girls and it turned into a huge disaster! I called and made an appointment, knowing I only had I hour to do it. Well the stupid lady didn't honor my appointment and I ended up sitting at her table for 45 minutes just prepped for the manicure, not actually having gotten anything done and finally I just lost it. I stood up walked over to the other manicurist and started crying and said, "I only had 1 hour to get a manicure and now I've been sitting here for 45 minutes and still no manicure." So I'm standing in front of a FULL nail salon of people, crying and yelling at another nail tech, and then I just walked out. Never in my life did I think I would be crying about such a thing in front of a ton of strangers, but yes there I was, walking out crying, with ugly non-manicured nails driving home. Yes, Justin does think I have lost my mind a little! And speaking of crying......I cry at everything! I was eating dinner just last night and started to ball just staring at the TV for no apparent reason at all. Justin just looks at me helpless and hugs me. And it's not like I am upset or anything, it is just sometimes things feel overwhelming (like at the nail salon), and my only reaction is to cry and then I feel much better after 5 minutes and I move on. Crazy, crazy hormones! Will I ever be normal again? I'm sure Justin is wondering if he will ever have his sane wife back again.

Enough about the crying, lets talk happy baby things! Like mustard poop! Wow, if you haven't had a baby you have NO idea about mustard poop! It is scary! And projectile milk spit up! That's another one that takes some getting used to. But the girls are beautiful and amazing and don't ever really cry unless they are hungry and I can't get enough of their sweet little faces and legs and arms and gassy smiles!!

We visited the pediatrician again last Wednesday for the girls 3 week check up and everything looks great and the girls have grown quite a bit. The nurse and doctor were very impressed! Georgia is 7lbs 4oz 21inches and Frankie is 6lbs 11oz 20.5 inches. The doctor also scheduled the hip ultrasound for the girls for 2 weeks from then which I think I already mentioned is just a precautionary thing they do with twins. Other than that's just asked lots of questions like when can the girls go out in public (minimum 6 weeks), and is projectile spit up normal (yes).

And on Tuesday last week we had our second newborn photoshoot with our photographer Brandi. It was a 3 hour ordeal and the girls were amazing and slept through 95% of it which Brandi said never happens, so she was able to get some amazing pictures! We can't wait to see them and share them with you!

Frankie and Georgia and I continue to have lots of visitors including Justin's parents and sister once a week and my friends stop by and bring me lunch a couple days a week which is really nice! Just having adult conversations is really nice when you are talking to babies all day long.

Other than all that I have mentioned, I am most of all just really happy to be caring for Frankie and Georgia everyday! I feel very lucky to have been given the honor to be their mom! Yes, this job is hard with 2 babies, but I now know I am totally capable of handling it and I'm getting more confident in my abilities to care for them daily. Justin continues to be an amazing dad and is totally hands on with changing diapers, feeding, rocking, and just loving on them. It's amazing to watch!

Well I think that's all for now. Yes, I should be napping, but I just couldn't resist a little catch up blog!

Here are some fun pictures below:

Saturday, October 20, 2012

Happy Birthday and welcome to the world!!!!


This blog was started the day of the girls births, so I thought I would finish it and continue from that day until now and make this a really long catch up blog.
So without further ado:

I can't believe today is finally here! I decided I would write today's blog, as I go to remember how I'm feeling throughout the day.  



I didn't sleep very well at all last night which I expected and was finally able to fall asleep around 1:30am.  I slept till 5:15am when my wonderful husband woke me up to a breakfast of scrambled cheese eggs, turkey sausage, and thick and fluffy eggo waffle drenched in syrup like I like it, skim milk and a cup of hazelnut decaf coffee. Yum, right!? Yea, I thought it would be too, but just like I thought I was so nervous I could barely eat.  I did what I could to get some of it down and then actually was able to fall back asleep for a couple hours which was unexpected but nice.

I woke up to my phone going crazy with text messages, emails, facebook messages for well wishes which made me feel really good, but still nervous.

I got ready that morning and made sure I put on my makeup and did my hair knowing that at least I would look good in pictures no matter what happened.  I used waterproof mascara which i knew i would appreciate later!




So we headed to the hospital around 11:30am and checked in.  I was pretty nervous the whole time but tried not to show it.  After check in we were ushered into a room that we would later learn was an overflow room because apparently everyone decided to have their babies that day!!  I put on my lovely hospital gown and hospital issue yellow non-slip socks and laid down on the hospital bed.  The first nurse assigned to us was Kim and she did all kinds of things to me; placed elastic bands around my belly with heart monitors attached to them to monitor the babies heart rates on the screen above me (which was very cool to watch), drew my blood for some tests, asked me a million medical questions, took my vitals, started my IV, and asked me some more questions.  This process seemed to take forever!!  And it didn't help that I was already really nervous and there was a huge clock right in front of my bed so the minutes to countdown were staring me in the face!!


 



Next the anesthesiologist, Hope came in and told me what would happen in the OR regarding the entire procedure, how the spinal block worked, and that she would be the one right by my head making sure I was ok.  She was super nice and made me very comfortable, but still quite nervous!

Then the doctor came in and let us know that my 2pm scheduled csection was going to be pushed back because there was a scheduled csection of twins before me and then an emergency twin pregnancy had just arrived at the hospital so we would be pushed back behind the 2nd emergency twin birth.  Great!! More time to lay in the hospital bed and stare at the clock and get more nervous!  Justin and my mom stayed with me and also periodically went to the waiting room to update the other grandparents.


  Justin had been given his scrubs, shoe covers and mask early on and he had put them on right away, and I must say I'm kinda bummed my husband isn't a doctor because damn did he look hot in those scrubs!  Those nurses better back off, he's mine ladies!  And yes I made him steal the scrubs and bring them home, ha ha! TMI!

Finally at 3:30pm it was our turn, and did I ever get scared in a hurry.  I had to walk into the OR and here is how it felt/went in my mind.  I walk into this white room with a million machines and lights and there are what feels like a million people in the room (really like 16) staring at you!  I sit on one side of the table and immediately start crying because that is my automatic reaction when I am scared.  The surgical nurse assistant, Andy (girl), has me hunch over and hug her while Hope the anesthesiologist starts to put in my spinal block.  I'll have to say the most painful part is what they were calling (mushing my spine) to find the right spot to put it in.  It made me cry harder.  I just wanted Justin there and he couldn't come in until moments before the surgery began.  So I held tight to Andy and cried.  And the spinal block was in before I knew it and the only thing I felt was the bee sting of the numbing needle.  Then they quickly had me lay on the table and things went VERY quickly from that moment on starting with the large blue drape being put up in front and over me so I couldn't see anything.  My legs went numb and it felt like i was levitating on the table.  Kind of a cool feeling, but i was still scared that maybe the medicine didn't work right and I'd feel something, luckily that was just my crazy thoughts and i couldn't feel anything painful.  Then from there it was all about what I could hear and smell and Hope's face and concentrating on her to keep me calm.  

Justin came in about 5 minutes later and things began immediately! Hope guided Justin and I through what was happening and kept pumping me full of drugs for pain and because I kept getting nauseous.  Her voice was very calming and reassuring.  And then before we knew it the doctor says Baby A is first and here she comes, Hope yells out Baby 1 time 3:46pm and all of a sudden I look right and see this beautiful baby girl that the doctor is holding up and I start crying and I knew, Frankie Paige was here!  Then about 15 seconds later the doctor says here comes Baby B and I notice lots of pressure because someone was sitting on top of me pushing her out.  And then Hope says Baby 2 time 3:46pm, and the doctor says, ummm that is the same minute, and Hope says ok wait, wait, ok Baby 2 3:47pm.  Ha ha!  I would learn later that insurance and the birth certificate people freak out for some reason if the babies are listed as having the exact same birth minute, but I will always remember to tell the girls that actually they have the exact same birthday down to the minute.  And with Baby B the doctor once again brought her over and I knew, that was our beautiful little Georgia Star.  And this whole time Justin is snapping away with the camera and was able to capture some of the most amazing first pictures of our girls, and I am so grateful for that because honestly I kinda felt like I was in shock the whole time I was in the OR.
Damn, my eyes are closed!


  And from my vantage point once the girls were born I could only see Frankie's warmer and I kept seeing them yell at her to breath and put an oxygen mask over her nose and mouth which was adding to my shock and being scared.  I just kept saying over and over, is everything ok with me, with them?  And Justin kept reassuring me that everything was ok, but Frankie was having some issues breathing.  The nurses then brought the girls over one at a time and then together so I could see them and take pictures with them while they were putting me back together again.  And I must say the 2 things I remember very clearly through this whole time is 1, my sense of worry for these 2 little beings I just met was so great and 2, the smell of burning flesh.  Ok, yea weird! Nuff said!  Guess I should mention the girls were:
Frankie Paige: 5lbs 11oz  19inches
Georgia Star: 5lbs 14oz 20 inches
(Great weights for twins at 36.5 weeks gestation!!)

So after pictures and sewing me up, Frankie was rushed to the NICU for her breathing issues and Justin accompanied her while they tucked Georgia in my arms and took me to a recovery room. 

My poor baby girl, Frankie!

 The next few hours are quite blurry from all the drugs they gave me, but I remember being in recovery, trying to nurse Georgia, and throwing up quite often which you can imagine is quite painful after abdominal surgery.  Also I remember all 3 sets of grandparents coming in to see me and Georgia Star.  They were all excited to see her, meet her and hear her name.  It was very cool to see how excited they were.  I was pretty bummer that Frankie wasn't there and I constantly worried about her.  Justin also decided to give me my push present then which was a beautiful diamond, pink Sapphire band to wear with my wedding ring as a band.  It was absolutely gorgeous and I can't wait till my swelling goes down so I can wear my wedding ring and the band! 

After several hours in recovery, they moved me to a regular room.  But on the way we stopped in the NICU in my hospital bed so I could see and hold Frankie.  It was so awesome to hold her, but so hard because she was hooked up to all these machines and looked so helpless and tiny.  And it was difficult because I was so sick and nauseous that we had to cut our visit short because I was so sick.  

The next day and a half I spent recovering in my hospital room and spending every 3 hours feeding Georgia, while Justin would go down to the NICU to visit Frankie and help feed her. 

Justin hanging with Frankie

 By the 2nd day I was feeling a little better and got to go visit Frankie by wheelchair and also started moving around.  

Justin, Me, and Georgia

Georgia Star


The next 2 days were pretty much the same with us establishing a 3 hour routine with both girls and ourselves of changing diapers, feeding, burping, swaddling, loving and kissing them and putting them back to sleep around the clock.  In the hospital there is always someone coming into your room about once an hour to check your vitals, give you meds, check the baby, etc, so sleep isn't something you get much of, so this 3 hour schedule seemed pretty easy to adhere to because you were always awake anyway.  And I think Justin and I were running on straight adrenaline because we were so excited and in love with Frankie and Georgia.

On Friday, I was feeling good enough to have visitors besides grandparents, and it was nice to have friends and family come up to meet our little bundles.  We also had visitors on Saturday and Sunday although at times the amount of visitors was a little overwhelming for me because all I wanted to do was sleep.  One awesome surprise we had was a visit from my fertility doctor and the nurse Shawnee!!  We knew Shawnee was coming for a visit, but they surprised us with the doctor coming as well!  It was so awesome and a full circle moment!  Yes, I cried a little!



  My doctor checked on me daily and decided since Frankie was in the NICU and probably would be for several more days that he would pull some strings and find something to keep me in the hospital an extra night so we could all stay near Frankie and visit her regularly.  She was making great progress daily and each time we visited it seemed there was some sort of improvement or another positive update.  

On Monday evening Georgia and I were discharged from the hospital and headed home without Frankie.
Heading home with Georgia


It was one of the hardest things I have ever done, but I knew she was in good hands, we would visit her daily and she would be home soon.  And in all honesty it had been good for Justin and I in the hospital to learn the ropes with one baby, and we assumed it would be an ease into things bringing one baby home at a time.  

When we got home the first thing we had to do was introduce Georgia to her furry sisters!  Annie was curious, but didn't seem to mind much, Pickles just barked at her when she fussed or cried and Delly just wanted to sniff her and seemed the most disturbed by her presence.  I was relieved by their reactions and knew that they would adjust well after a couple days.  

The first night was interesting but mostly non-eventful.  We stuck to our 3 hour changing, feeding, burping, swaddling, back to sleep schedule and Georgia did fairly well with not much fussing.  It seemed fairly easy for us to trade off jobs so that we could take turns, but oh how this would change when we had 2 babies at home.  More on that in a minute.  So for the next 5 days with the help of Justin and my mom we stuck to the schedule and just enjoyed having this awesome new little human in our world!
Georgia's first bath!


  And every day my mom and I would pack up Georgia and all our/her and Frankie's feeding stuff and head to the hospital to do 1-2 nursing sessions with Frankie.  It was very tiring and stressful, especially since I was only a week out from having major surgery, but it was all worth it seeing Frankie's face, getting to hold her, and putting she and Georgia together in her crib to get to know each other again after having been separated since birth.

A little sleep deprived, but hanging in there!

Georgia & Frankie hanging out

Mommy & Daddy with the girls hanging in the NICU


  I'm sure they missed each other!  Justin also visited Frankie 1-2 times nightly for her evening feedings which on top of all the middle of the night feedings he did with her while we were in the hospital really gave he and Frankie a special bond.  I was in awe of how diligent he was with making sure he was with Frankie as much as possible.  

Wednesday the 10th Georgia had her first pediatrician appointment for a weight check. The pediatrician said she looked great and had gained weight and that she should continue on the 3hr schedule for now and that the doctor was looking for another .5lb weight gain in a week.  She said her feeding amounts were great and would probably start to increase.  Let me just say, Georgia is an eater!!  So we have no worries about her gaining weight and eating more!

Saturday morning the 13th we were told to call the NICU to see if Frankie had gotten her walking papers and could come home!! And guess what, they said she was healthy enough to come home!!  I couldn't get out of the house fast enough with Justin to get up to the hospital to get our other baby girl home!!  And I have to say we are forever grateful to the nicest, most amazing, kind, talented nurses and doctors in the NICU!  They were so great with Frankie and so cool and kind to us and all our family and friends we brought to visit Frankie.  We will forever be indebted to them.  So at about 10:30 on Saturday morning we walked through our house door with Frankie in our arms and everything felt complete!  Our family was all together and home!  Deep breath of relief!

Frankie & Georgia's first baths together

Our family is complete and all home together!


Monday the 15th we returned to the pediatrician for a weight check and overall check for both girls.  The doctor said they both looked great and Frankie, who needed to gain weight more than Georgia had gained 3oz in just the 2 days she had been home with us!!  The doctor said she was very impressed and had no worries in our parenting capabilities.  Yay!  We passed the first of many tests as parents!  

So it has been a week today since Frankie came home and Justin and I couldn't be more in love with each other, these 2 little miracle girls, and our new life!  Is it life changing having 1 baby let alone 2 babies, YES!!!  Are we so sleep deprived its amazing we are even awake and coherent? YES! 

My mom has been here for the last 2 weeks and just left yesterday (Friday) and was a HUGE help in easing us into our new life with 2 newborns.  She helped in every way possible; laundry constantly, bottle making, running a million errands, driving me to doctor appointments and to/from the hospital, rocking babies, feeding babies, changing diapers, making meals, running out for food.  You name it, she did it this week for us!  And Justin and I are forever grateful for all her help, love and support!  We couldn't have gotten this far and established somewhat of a routine without her!  So thank you Momma!  We are forever grateful and indebted to you!  Also thank you Bruce for letting us steal her away from you for 2 weeks.  

Thanks mom for taking care of all of us the last 2 weeks!

Anyway, back to what I was saying.  How is our life changed now that we have twins?  We are on an endless 3 hour schedule of changing diapers, warming bottles, feeding, pumping, rocking and trying in between all that to get 1.5 hour chunks of sleep.  Sometimes it happens and sometimes one of them is fussy and that 1.5 hours gets cut to 30 minutes.  But honestly I love every minute and wouldn't change a second of it!  Why are we on a 3 hr schedule?  Well since the babies were premature and small the doctors and our pediatrician likes to get some weight on them.  So for the first month we are on round the clock 3hr feeds and we wake the babies even if they are sleeping at 9, 12, 3, 6, and 9.  Aside from the baby schedule we try to keep up with their and our laundry, running the dishwasher constantly with bottles, and just making sure and checking in with each other that we are both still doing ok which I think is really important.  Other things that have changed include I now have an audience of 2 babies in nap nannies when I shower (when I can get a shower!).
My shower audience!


  Sometimes it's a choice between a nap and a shower and let me just say I choose deodorant as a coverup at this point just to get some extra sleep! Gross, but hey what can I say?!  I also am now ambidextrous and can do most things one handed or with my feet, in the dark or with my eyes closed.  Justin is the king of diaper changes and I am the bottle making/pumping queen!  I have also learned to bottle feed both babies at the same time which makes feeding go much quicker, but requires a precise boppy/baby/bib set up for it to be successful!  Practice makes perfect right!?

Double bottle feeding!



Frankie and Georgia are very happy babies and don't cry often except for a little cry or whimper here and there if they are hungry or have a dirty diaper.  They sleep in our room for now in the twin pack and play on one side together.  And it's the cutest thing when we lay them in there to go to bed we put them on opposite ends and somehow they end up squirming and laying right next to each other by the time we wake them up for their next feeding!  You can tell they really like being close and touching each other when they sleep, and we notice they sleep more soundly when doing so.  The babies also are very responsive to music and Justin is constantly playing music for them when we are changing them and feeding them and it seems to make them much calmer. 

So cute!


Our biggest change at this point is the lack of sleep.  It is unbelievable!  I am actually not even sure how I am awake most of the time or able to even have a conversation with people because my brain feels like mush.  Which is why we have decided to hire a nurse night nanny 3 nights a week to help with the sleep deprivation.  We are interviewing the 2 nurses who work together tomorrow and hoping we love them and  if so they will start Monday evening and be here Monday, Wednesday, and Friday overnights.  I think this will be a huge help and hopefully 3 full nights of sleep will help make us feel more human and help us to feel like we are at our best for Frankie and Georgia!  

What is the best most awesome thing about this whole journey?? Just staring at them for hours on end and not believing they are really mine, and most of all discovering that I now know what my job is in life!!! Being a mom!  I love it! It feels like the job I have been searching for, for a really long time!  It feels complete!  I'm so in love with Frankie, Georgia, and Justin and everything about my life and I have never been happier!

Whew!  Ok, I think I'm caught up on almost 2.5 weeks!  Things I've forgotten to mention in detail but I will mention briefly:

Explosive poopy diapers are scary! Don't ever let anyone tell you different!
If you think you feet are swollen during pregnancy just wait till a week after pregnancy, holy moly elephantitus!  

Wow, unbelievable!  I had to show you!

Pregnancy hormones are crazy, but after pregnancy hormones are just as bad, and I cry at really stupid stuff!
If you have an amazing husband like mine, he will see and do things for you after childbirth that are asking a lot of someone and that will make you love him even more.
Oh and I went to the doctor for my 3 week checkup on Friday and Missy the nurse said everything looks great with me and my incision and I have lost........wait for it........30lbs in 2.5 weeks since birth!!! Can you believe it? Wow, I'm amazed!  I just have another 20lbs, which is the weight I gained during the 3 years of hormones I ingested, so I'm more than half way back to my goal weight! I'm very excited to get back to my goal weight and jeans!

Their first big outing to my doctor with me!  I had to dress them up with hair bows!

Me and my girls!

Snuggle photo!

Another cute sleepy photo!


I've decided that I will continue to keep a small update blog going on here to update what is going on with the girls because it has been so helpful in communicating everything to friends and family near and far.  So if you continue on our journey with us, yay!  If you've had enough of my ranting and crazy I understand that too!

That's it for now because I've got to go stare at my girls some more who are already 2.5 weeks old! Can you believe it! Wow, time flies! I want them to stay tiny forever!

Thanks for following our journey to become parents and here's hoping our journey as parents includes many more happy times!

All our love!
Jenny, Justin, Frankie, Georgia, Annie, Adel, and Pickles!
OR
Justin +6 girls

Friday, October 19, 2012

I'm working on it!!

I am working on an update that dates all the way back to the day the girls arrived. I wanted to detail everything about that day and how we have been getting along the last 2 weeks!! Hoping to have it done by this weekend and I'll share with everyone. It's just that sleep has been the priority over blogging at this point!! Ha!

Jenny

Monday, October 8, 2012

A quick update

Wow, I started to do a blog the day of my csection and thought, "oh, yea I'll keep up on it and post it while I am in the hospital." Ha ha ha! Not happening! So eventually I will post the entire 5 and a half day journey with all the details, but in the meantime here is a quick update!

The girls are here!!!!!! Justin and I are madly in love with them and they are perfect!!! This whole mommy parent thing is awesome! They were born on Wednesday October 3rd:

Frankie Paige (aka Baby A) came out first at 3:46pm
Georgia Star (aka Baby B) came out second at 3:47pm

The csection was scary and I had quite a hard time afterwards (more on all that in the detail blog to come). The girls came out healthy except Frankie had some breathing troubles (wet lungs) and has been in the NICU needing some assistance since birth.

Today is Monday and I was supposed to go home yesterday but the doctor pulled some strings and got Georgia and I another day in here to be near Frankie. Frankie is doing remarkably well and making great progress towards going home. She is off all machines and just needing to learning to eat enough and regulate her temp. Then she will most likely come home sometime between Wednesday and Friday.

I am heartbroken that I can't take both girls home at the same time, but I know it's best for Frankie to be healthy and strong.

Justin and I couldn't feel more blessed or in love with these 2 little bundles!! They are adorable!! Here are a few pictures to share for now until I get more time, which who knows when that will be????? Got to go feed to the girls! Oh yes did I mention that's all I do now is feed them and I love it that that is my only job! And I haven't slept in days and I'm totally ok with it, but it will be nice to go home to my own bed and shower. I have never been more in love with my husband or these 2 little girls!! Loving life at this moment!!

Jenny & Justin +5

Monday, October 1, 2012

I am 9 months pregnant with twins....

Wow, every step, every week of this journey has been a milestone for me, but this is the last major stepping stone before our ultimate goal is finally achieved!!! I can't believe it is just 2 days away!

I can't say I've done a whole lot since my last update on Thursday. I have just been relaxing and Justin and I have been reminding ourselves to enjoy every last moment and the last weekend we had together just him and I. We have also both been talking a lot about our excitement, nervousness, expectations of each other, and really we have come to the conclusion that it isn't going to seem real to either of us until we are holding them in our arms and walking through our front door.

This journey has also taught Justin and I a lot about how to communicate better with each other and try to not resort back to our old bad ways of dealing with tuff issues. I'm hoping getting all of our stuff out in the open with each other the last year and a half will help us be better parents and also more compassionate, calm and understanding of one another.

So I'll sum up a couple things in this last of my pregnancy weekly updates. First, just for my memory sake, (not for complaining sake) here is what I am feeling physically in the last portion of my pregnancy:

Swollen feet, ankles, and knuckle joints
Very sore painful groin, pelvis
Skin around my belly button feels very thin and stretched and hurts to touch
All of my moles on my body have grown bigger (I know, weird, but apparently normal)
My belly feels very heavy and like it is pulling me forward/down
If I am in bed or on the couch it is very hard and painful to roll over or try and get up
I snore very loudly at night out of my mouth
Sometimes the babies movements are so strong it feels like they are going to punch through my belly and escape and it is painful, but most times it isn't painful and just very cool to watch them moving
I waddle when I walk
The only clothes my belly/body fits into comfortably are old navy tank tops, gap pure body tshirts, maxi dresses, sweatpants, sports bras, and lulu lemon yoga pants
It is hard to sleep at night and I still wake up 2-4 times to go to the bathroom
I haven't worn my wedding ring or A wedding ring in months
None of my shoes except for my size 10 flip flops fit my feet
I am out of breath after doing anything or sometimes nothing


Mentally here is how I feel like the last 9+ months have felt:

We are trying to get pregnant: Cautiously optimistic

We have failed 5 IUI and 2 IVF cycles:
Depressed

We decided to give it one more round of IVF:
Not hopeful (trying to use reverse psychology on myself at that point)

Took a pregnancy test in February & it was positive:
Shocked/Disbelief

Found out it was twins:
Ecstatic

Being pregnant for 9 months with twins:
Amazing, unbelievable, mind blowing, draining, crazy, hormonal, happy, sad, nervous, excited, unable to grasp reality, and most of all grateful!

Well, I am just going to relax today and tomorrow and just try to soak in the quiet and try to keep myself from getting too anxious or nervous about Wednesday. Justin and I are going to measure my belly one last time Wednesday morning and also take one last belly picture that I will post before we head to the hospital at noon. (I found an app for my phone that will let me blog and post pictures from my phone instead of having to be at my computer which is awesome, because otherwise I wouldn't be able to update.) Then Wednesday afternoon we will celebrate the twins arrival and birthday!

Funny, I had a dream last night that I have birth to 2 babies who were each 1cm big and I kept dropping them on the carpet at home and losing them, kinda like that movie, Honey I shrunk the Kids!! Then the babies turned into small chihuahuas and then into dark skinned babies from India. So weird!!

Ok, here is my belly pictures for the 36th week of my pregnancy:







Love-
Jenny & Justin +5






Friday, September 28, 2012

I think I'm gonna miss this pregnancy thing....

More on that in a minute....

But first I forgot to mention in my last blog that I called the doctor last week to inquire about moving the csection up to a morning time.  I got a call back several hours later from the nurse who told me several things.
My doctor ONLY does afternoon and evening scheduled csections.  She said because he has so many patient appointments and also has to do rounds at the hospital during the morning (because he is the head high risk perinatologist).  Soooo, I am stuck with the 2pm surgery time and there isn't anything I can do about it.  And so I'll just assume it was meant to be that way and go with it.  The nurse suggested I have Justin get up at 5am on the day of surgery and make me a breakfast of my liking, because the last thing I can eat or drink is at 6am.  I said that sounds like a plan, but knowing myself all too well, I know I will be too nervous to eat.  She said I will be in the hospital for 96 hours from the 2pm on the 3rd, so I get to stay until Sunday.  She said I will appreciate all the help, advice, and recovery time while I am there.  

I confirmed all this information with Missy last week at our appointment. The only thing I'm not sure of is if I am supposed to arrive at 2pm, or surgery is at 2pm, so I'll have to confirm again on Thursday my arrival time.  

So, I have been thinking a lot the last 4 days about how I am mentally feeling and I finally realized a couple things.  People keep asking me if I am excited for the babies to come and can I not wait until they are here.  And I feel like honestly my reaction was sort of like, "what are you talking about?" and almost not being able to understand why I didn't feel a sense of excitement and I couldn't figure out why.  I felt like I had no emotion or excitement to give them the answer they were looking for.  And then after some reflection I figured it out.....

For 3 years we were so focused on getting pregnant.  Everything we did revolved around if it would help us get "pregnant".  And then when it didn't happen on its own we turned to medical help to get "pregnant".  And we spent 2 years doing medical treatments with the ultimate goal of getting "pregnant".  In my mind, that was the goal, "get pregnant".  So in February when we found out we were pregnant, it took quite awhile for it to sink in that we had finally reached our goal, "to get pregnant".  And.............

Well..........we reached our goal!!  but I never thought beyond "getting pregnant." Because why?  Because that was the goal, there wasn't a thought beyond that because that was too big to think about.  So I guess my brain has just been in the mode of well..... I did it, I got pregnant, and that's it.  It hasn't registered that there are actual babies in that pregnant belly and that the pregnancy goal is just the precursor to the ultimate goal.  The goal that I never let myself imagine for the entire 3 years until about 4 days ago......actual babies.  Pregnancy wasn't the goal, that was just the next step to get to the goal......having children! Aaahaaa! Light bulb moment!  So let's just say I'm having to re-wire my brain to stop thinking that pregnancy was ultimate goal, and that pregnancy was just the 9 month build up to the goal.......babies!!  I'm not there yet, but I'm hoping when they get here next week (Ahhhhhhh, so soon!) my brain will wrap around the concept that THEY were the ultimate goal and not this big ol' belly.

More on this big ol' belly......I'm gonna miss it!  I think I said before I wouldn't miss it, but I take it back, I take it all back.  For all the complaining I have done and all the side effects and pains it has caused on my body......I'm still gonna miss it.  It has started to feel somewhat normal, and I'm wondering what it will feel like to not have it there anymore?  I am also trying to enjoy every moment these last few days of the girls moving and kicking and sloshing around in there. (painful rib kicking and all). Ok, now I'm crying!  Hold on a sec.....  And as I sit here typing, they are moving like crazy and I am just tying to take it all in.

And I guess another reason it is hard for me to wrap my brain around this whole thing is because well.........it is a life changing experience.  And being like most other humans on the planet, I'm not great at "change", and it's scary and unknown.  I love my life now, and I KNOW I will love it even more once the girls are here, but the fear of the unknown new world I'm about to embark on is well......scary.  I'm a type A personality and I want to be in control and know exactly what is going to happen and know how to be prepared and well......I can't, and that's scary to me.  

Well now that I've laid it all out there, I'm hoping I don't sound crazy or heartless or I don't know, weird.  

And I guess I'll just sum up for you the week to this point.  Let's see.....I haven't cried quite as much since last weekend, I've done more relaxing, my swelling is back in my hands and feet, my belly is tender to the touch because my skin is stretched so thin, I've read 3 baby books that made me feel much more competent about my knowledge and common sense abilities, and I can't get enough milk to drink!

And today is Thursday evening already which means we had our last and final doctor appointment today!!!  Again, we did the usual ultrasound with biophysicals on both girls, and again everything looked great!!  We met with the doctor and he reviewed a couple things regarding next Wednesday. He said I will need to arrive around 12:30pm to check in and start the process and just assume that he will be late and the csection most likely will not start on time.  Gotta love his honesty!  Then he said plan on up to 1.5hrs in the operating room, sometimes less, sometimes more then on to recovery for several hours.  Which means I won't be back to a regular room with the girls till early evening.  Our hospital is a "room in" hospital and they like the babies to stay in your room with you as much as possible and they have one nurse that takes care of both you and the babies, which is nice because you aren't dealing with a bunch of different people.  The doctor also said at the gestational age of 36.5 weeks the percentage of multiples or any baby at that point with lung issues is very low, somewhere around 6%, and he doesn't anticipate them needing to go to the NICU, but he said don't count it out on account of some of the on-call surgical pediatricians will automatically make them go there for a through checkout because technically they will be 4 days short of full term for twins.  


The last ultrasound picture we will get!  A profile of Baby A!



He also showed me where the incision will be which is much lower than I thought, which is a good thing.  My belly measurement this week was 47cm!!! Holy moly!! Crazy!  And I gained those 2 lbs I lost last week so I'm back up to 29 total lbs gained.  Not bad for a twin pregnancy.  Anyway, I also expressed my anxiety about everything to him and he said it was normal.  (still doesn't make me less anxious!) 

Our last doctor visit!  Yay!!


And now it is 11pm on Thursday evening which means I have 5 days, 13.5 hours until we check in at the hospital!  And shortly there after our "ultimate goals", our 2 teeny tiny baby girls will arrive in the world!  Wrap your brain around it Jenny!

I will update like I normally do on Sunday again with my 36 week belly photo and a last belly photo before we leave for the hospital on Wednesday. Then I'll try to send out a blog after the girls arrive on Wednesday evening or Thursday.  I cant' wait to share the news of their arrival and their names with the world!!  


Wow, the time is here!!  Can't believe it!  In just a few short days and hours I will be a MOM!  Yes, I will be a MOM!  Sorry, had to say it twice to get it to start to sink in!  

That is all for now!
Love to all-

Jenny & Justin +5

Sunday, September 23, 2012

35 weeks pregnant.....

And I am officially 100% physically ready for the girls to be here and to not be pregnant anymore.  Mentally and emotionally I'm about 90% there or else I am just losing my mind due to hormones!  I have been a hot mess all weekend just emotional and crying cause I am very uncomfortable, sleep deprived, and just plain crazy!  Baby B is up really high in my belly and she is constantly making it hard to breathe and every time she moves it feels like my ribs are breaking.  I'm trying to be positive, but at this point it is extremely hard!!  I have not been able to go to sleep till like 2am several nights in a row, even with unisom, so thank goodness for my Ipad and Pinterest!

I spent Monday and Tuesday this week mostly relaxing and doing a couple tasks around the house.  I was pretty tired both days and my energy level was quite low.

Wednesday was Justin and my 3rd Anniversary!  Wow, can't believe it has been 3 years already!  For some reason I had quite a lot of energy today and felt good so I took advantage of that and I ran several errands during the day while he was at work.  We decided that we would just do a mellow dinner tonight of pizza and salad and celebrate more on Thursday evening.  Justin did surprise me though with a beautiful diamond locket necklace for my anniversary gift!  It is beautiful and perfect to put a picture of the girls or all 7 of us in it.  I just have to figure out how to get a picture that small. I love it and it was a perfect anniversary gift with the girls coming soon.

Our 3rd Anniversary spent at home

The beautiful vintage-style locket Justin got me for our anniversary!  Love it!

And my beautiful flowers for our anniversary!  What a sweet husband I have!



Thursday was again our weekly doctor appointment and ultrasound. We just had to do the routine ultrasound and biophysical which should be quick and easy by now, but every week there is less and less room in my belly, so determining whose body parts are whose is getting tough and for some reason the girls like to play shy whenever I get into the ultrasound room.  They could be crazy in my belly and the second I get in there they go to sleep.  Anyway, we finally got it completed and everything looks great, but babies both continue to be in breech and transverse positions, so that means the csection is still on.  Oh, and funny thing Baby A is folded completely in half and her one foot is over her head and she is holding onto her leg.  Definitely have a gymnast on our hands!


Profile pic of Baby A and her lips is all we could get this week




We saw Missy this week and discussed several things.
1. The protein in my urine sample is gone, so the possibility of maybe having preeclampsia is not an issue anymore.
2. My swelling had gone down quite a bit in my ankles, feet and hands since my last appointment.  Missy said it is normal and it might return or it might not. (FYI, it has returned as of Sunday)
3.  I lost 2lbs this week, probably due to the swelling subsiding temporarily, but nothing to worry about, so total weight gain is 27lbs and my belly is measuring a whopping 45cm.
4.  I told Missy my anxiety about surgery and needles etc, so she went through step by step from the moment we arrive at the hospital what will happen for a normal routine csection of twins.  She also mentioned things what could happen if the girls need extra help or care.  It did make me feel somewhat better to wrap my brain around what will happen, but I'm still nervous about the whole ordeal.
5.  Then she did a swab culture test for strep B, which if I have it, it can be passed onto the babies during delivery, so I would need to go on an antibiotic.  Not sure when I will get those results.  She also checked my cervix to see if I was dilated at all and she said no I am not at all.  She asked about contractions and I said I still just continue to have the tightening ones several times a day, but nothing painful or with cramps or back pain, which she said is awesome for this point being pregnant with twins.  

Sooooo, I think that is about it for the doctor appointment.  Everything looks really good and we will not do another weight/growth check before they are born because they were a really good size at the last check.  I will have one last appointment and ultrasound next Thursday and as long as everything continues to be normal and uneventful the next time we will see the doctor will be the day the babies are born.

After our appointment Justin and I continued our anniversary celebration and got a couples massage.  I was really looking forward to it, except for the fact that I specifically told the spa I did not want the same girl I had 2 weeks ago.  They told me it was someone else, and what do you know we walk in and who comes to get me for my massage, but the same freaking girl!!!!  Ugh,  I was pissed, but at that point what am I going to do?  There was no one else there to choose from and  I wanted a massage because my body hurts so bad..... so crappy massage or nothing???....so once again I got a massage from this girl who massaged me like I have coodies or something.  Needless to say, we have decided we will not be returning to this spa, which sucks cause we have consistently been going there and had good service up until about the last 6 months.  Maybe it's just my crazy pregnancy hormones being picky, who knows! But this spa has been voted off the island.

Justin and I then continued the celebration at home with a fondue anniversary dinner with cheese and chocolate!  It was yummy and delicious!  The only thing missing was the champagne.  It was different this year celebrating at home because we usually go out to a big dinner or head to the winery where we got married, but the mellowness of this year was a nice change, at least for me because going out to dinner is a big task at this point and I'm just plain tired (and I don't really have any cute clothes left that are long enough). 

Justin celebrated his 22nd (32nd) birthday on Friday!  I love it that he is catching up to me in age!!  We both say now that we are celebrating our 22nd birthday over and over and will always be 22!!  It feels much better than saying we are in our 30's.  We celebrated that evening with some of his family at his Aunt's house.  I felt pretty good all day that day and evening and it was nice to see his family and enjoy the nice cooler weather we have been having here all week. Thank you weather gods for helping my swelling go down temporarily.


Justin's Birthday


So that leads me back to the first part of this blog.  Yesterday and today (Sunday) I have just been VERY uncomfortable and emotional (like uncontrollable crying).  I am so grateful to have made it this far with no health issues and healthy babies as well, but wow, I am glad there is an end in sight!!!!!!  10 more days!!!!!  So for the next 10 days I just want someone (hint hint Justin) to cuddle me, hug me, wait on me hand and foot, carry me everywhere, and feed me when I'm hungry.  Is that asking too much?  I would also like that masseuse lady from Denver that gave me the best massage of my life to come into town and massage me everyday for the next 10 days. Is that possible? Someone please say yes!!  

The best part about feeling emotionally and physically overwhelmed and out of control at this point is that I am now feeling more excited and ready to meet the girls!  For a long time I think I have been mentioning I couldn't wrap my brain around them being here, but now I can't wrap my brain around being pregnant anymore than 10 more days, so the thought that them being here means I won't be pregnant anymore excites me!  It's funny how that mind transition just kind of happened the last couple days, cause I didn't think it would.  


I realized I forgot to post a picture of my final nursery room craft project, which was a hat tree to hold all the little hats and beanies I have for the girls.  I love it!  Thanks mom for all your help making it!

My original design!  Love it!  It only holds 12 hats, but I have like 30 for the girls to wear.

It is now time to try and get up out of this chair, and make my way upstairs and try to get comfortable and get some sleep!  10 days people, 10 days!!!

Oh, and here come the belly photos:


Wow, that is what I look like after crying for hours today.  Sorry if I scared anyone!

The front view which gives you a better perspective!  Again, WOW!

Lots of love-
Jenny & Justin +5