Well, things have gone from bad to worse. My IVF cycle has been canceled. Which means I am off all medications as of 4pm today. Why? Well here is how I can best explain it.
I started my stimulation medications last Wednesday. That morning I did a blood test and my estradiol level came back at 42, which is normal but a little low for the beginning of a cycle. All my other hormone levels were very normal, but my overall indicator number of my egg reserve was low.
I did 5 injections of the first medication before I saw the doctor again on Friday morning. The doctor wasn't thrilled with the 42 number, so he up'd my dose of the first medication for the injection Friday night. He did another blood test to test my estradiol level. I also started that second stimulation injection on Friday night.
We repeated the same higher dose (which was the max dose allowed for med 1), and med 2 injections on Saturday and Sunday.
We did the max dose of medicine 1 again this morning as instructed and went in to the doctor for another ultrasound, blood draw appt. I think I mentioned again in my last blog how the doctor had said that he wanted to see that estradiol level increase significantly. Well Friday's results came back and my estradiol level from Friday was at a 30. Lower!! What?? This is crazy! So the doctor said to me today, "You are taking the medications right? You are injecting yourself as we instructed you to with no issues?" I responded a little defensive, because I kinda felt like for a second he was accusing me of not taking the meds. I mean why would we hand him all this money and then not follow the rules? I showed him the bruises on my stomach as proof that we were taking the meds religiously to the minute as instructed. The doctor said it was very puzzling and strange that after that amount of stimulants in my system that my levels would go down. He also thought it was strange that I wasn't experiencing any of the normal side effects of the meds, like swollen ovaries, overly emotional, irritable, nothing! Yes, I did have the 2 small dizzy spells, but that was it.
So, the doctor did another ultrasound and this time, I was down to 2 follicles on the right side that were still very small and again none on the left. He said he was even more puzzled, because not only should my levels be rising, but my follicles, even if there is just 2 should be of a certain size and they are not.
Ugh! Ok, so he said lets do one more blood test today and see where your estradiol level is at. At this point you have been doing 6 days of high dose stimulating meds and your level should be at least at 100. If it is not at 100 or higher, there is no point in moving forward with this cycle since my body was having no reaction to the medication, and the results through ultrasound and blood work were obvious. So we did another blood draw and the doctor said he would call me after 4pm today with the results. And he did......
And that is when he said my test came back and my estradiol was only at a 56. So it had gone up, but not enough to mean anything. He said it is very puzzling because all of my preliminary tests showed that I was going to be a good candidate and progress well. The doctor said his first suspicion is the medicine. He said he has heard of counterfeit medicines getting into this country, especially since the IVF meds are so expensive and not covered by insurance. He said the medicine could have also been a bad batch. So first things first, we have to take all of our empty cartridges into him on Wednesday morning and he is going to investigate and have them tested. If it is the medicine, I would be so relieved! If it is NOT the medicine, we go back to the guessing drawing board to try and figure out why I had no reaction at all.
The doctor in the meantime will review all of my past testing to make sure he didn't miss anything, and he said that if the medicine is ruled out as the cause, then we might have to do some more testing on me to make sure I don't have an auto-immune disorder which would make me immune to the stimulant drugs. In that case, we would definitely need to have a conversation about donor eggs, because obviously I would not be able to use mine. Or we would need to start looking in a different direction like adoption, if donor eggs weren't something we wanted to pursue.
So after all this investigating is done, we are hoping to try another cycle in November with my eggs, most likely with different stimulating medicines.
Here is the big question you are all probably wondering...How am I feeling about all this? Well honestly.....probably the most disappointed I have ever been in my life. I am angry and sad and mad and I want to punch something and I also want to crawl into a hole for a couple days and cry till there are no tears left....but being the kind of person I am I will probably just cry a little and put on a happy face and move on with my life until it is time to try it again. Why? Because this process has taught me that I am not in control even one little bit. I don't know what is going to happen, and I can't MAKE something happen, so I might as well enjoy my life, and not spend it moping around. If it is going to happen it will, and if it isn't then it won't, and I have to be ok with that either way. Because if not I am going to waste this short life of ours that we are given in misery and playing the "what if" game. So I am just going to enjoy each day with what I have.
But I'll be damned if I am not angry about all those needles!!! 16 injections and thousands of dollars down the drain!! My poor bruised and sore belly!
So I am headed back to work tomorrow, to get my mind off of things and maybe go have some fun and a glass of wine this week! I could sure use one. So I will keep up on the blog when I have any updates over the next couple months. Thanks to everyone for their kind words and support over the last several weeks! Keep Justin and I in your baby thoughts and prayers! I will be in touch soon! Until next cycle.....
Jenny
The Needle Warrior
Monday, September 12, 2011
Saturday, September 10, 2011
Day 5 and 6
How things have changed in a few days. Let me start with yesterday, day 5, Friday. The morning FSH injection was the same as the 4 before it with no big deal.
I headed to the fertility clinic in the pouring rain for my 2 o'clock appt. I waited almost 30 minutes before I was ushered back to the ultrasound room. The wait was actually good because I was trying to organize my thoughts and remember what I wanted to say to the doctor. When I got into the room I did the usual routine and put on my floor length paper skirt and sat on the edge of the ultrasound table and tried not to forget what I had just tried to remember.
The doctor came in by himself first and asked how I was and I smiled and said ok. He said I had a nice white smile and I immediately started tearing up and led with, "Doctor there are some things I need to say to you. When Justin and I left here on Tuesday we were very disheartened, and upset.". Did i mention that everytime I am in a confronting situation or nervous situation i cry? Not sure why, but it just happens. So here i am in tears trying to sound mean and angry and the doctor looked at me and said, "Was I an asshole on Tuesday? Well if he wanted to put it that way, and I shook my head yes with a giggle. So I continued through the tears, "We chose you because we liked your personality, and thought you were very personal, and Tuesday you didn't seem to know our case at all.". I went on to mention my blood work that we never heard results on, the severe endo statement, and everything else that I didn't understand that he had said. His first response was, "I'm sorry. I think out loud and that is a fault of mine. I do have lots of patients, but i do know each persons chart backward and forward. Just because I might not know it that moment because I have seen 6 patients before you doesn't mean I am not putting lots of time and thought into your case. And I'm sorry if I was an asshole."
In the meantime the coordinator walked in and chimed in with some jabs towards to doctor trying to make me laugh. My tears finally stopped and we got to work on the purpose of my visit. The doctor said the results of my 15 vials of blood that I had given had come back and I do not have the disorder, disease, whatever it is that causes reoccurent pregnancy loss. Ok, check one good thing! He also said my FSH level had come back at 3.2 from the blood test I had Wednesday which is a good sign. All I know about that number is you want it to stay under 9 to be normal.
Then he did the ultrasound. He started with my right side again and my right ovary still has between 3-5 visible follicles that are very small. Soooo, not good. There has been no new follicles or growth of the ones that were seen Tuesday since I started the first med, Follistim. He then tried to find the left ovary with some difficulty again, and noticed maybe 1-2 small ones on that side, but he wasn't positive about those because it was so hard to see. Apparently my left ovary is very high and tucked in between some other stuff, ugh! Great!
So here is what he said. Start your second stimulating medicine as planned tonight. We are going to up your dose of the first med the Follistim to the max, 225IU per injection.(Twice a day, so 450 per day). We will do a blood draw today to check your levels and then take both medicines all weekend and Monday morning and come back Monday at 9am for another ultrasound/blood work appt. He said if we don't see any growth of more follicles by Monday or Wednesday we will need to have a conversation. Here come the tears again!
Then I had to go have another blood draw. Really can this day get better? Since I am a sissy I asked one of the nurses who is super sweet to hold my hand while I had my blood drawn since Justin wasn't there. She said absolutely! The nurse had a hard time finding my vein, ugh, I mean really!!!
So I drove home from the appt crying my eyes out. I can't imagine going through all of these shots for 7-9 days just to have to cancel everything. Ok, stop thinking like that and just try to stay positive. I called my mom on the drive home and pretty much cried the whole time. Its amazing how moms always know what to say to make you feel better! Thanks mom! I also called Justin and told him everything since he couldn't be there and he was also trying to be very positive and supportive. I have also decided on a phrase that I hate, "If it is meant to be, it is meant to be.". I think maybe I have said this before, but I hate it because it doesn't actually mean anything! So please don't say that to me. Ha!
Ok, so on to the evening I injections. Wow, I am not sure if it is coincidence or not but the order they give the injections seems crucial. The Follistim is 95% pain free. This next injection we started Friday night, yea not so much! I actually mixed the vials, yea I know, I couldn't believe I did it either, but there is no needle involved, only this plastic cap thing that punctures the vials. So we did the new 225IU dose of FOllistim first, and then we prepared the second one called Menopur. The needle for the Menopur is about the same gauge but a little longer and in a normal syringe. Ok, so here goes the second injection, YIKES! About the same bee sting from the needle, but the medicine burns!! Not horribly bad, but bad enough that I almost jumped. I did a little wiggle pain dance around the kitchen after the shot which surprisingly made the pain better, he he!
So today is Saturday and boy how things have changed in a few short hours. We woke up this morning at 650am to do the morning injection of just the Follistim. The Menopur is only an evening injection, the Follistim is morning and evening. Anyway, we did the injection like normal and within 10 seconds of doing the injection I got super dizzy, nauseous, and clammy. I immediately laid down on the ground because I thought I was going to faint, and then quickly had Justin help me to the bathroom just in case. The feeling went away within about 5 minutes and I thought it was weird because I have been taking the Follistim for 3.5 days now and have never had this happen. We went back to bed this morning and we woke up about 10am and I felt fine. We got ready and wanted to go out and get some breakfast before we went to a relaxing couples massage at 12:15. I called the coordinator on the way to breakfast and told her what happened, and she said sometimes that happens when u start taking higher doses and also adding the Menopur to the equation. We headed to breakfast and we were sitting waiting for a table and again I started feeling dizzy, light headed, and nauseous. We left immediately, called the massage place and canceled and headed home. I went and laid down immediately and felt really tired. I slept for about 3 hours this afternoon and just woke up. We will do the evening injections again tonight and hope for no side effects. The coordinator said to call her again this evening to check in. So it looks like I might be home bound for a couple days if the side effects continue because I am not allowed to drive. Let's just hope all these side effects mean something good is happening on the inside!!
IVs-2
Blood draws-4 Vials-20
Needle pokes-8
I headed to the fertility clinic in the pouring rain for my 2 o'clock appt. I waited almost 30 minutes before I was ushered back to the ultrasound room. The wait was actually good because I was trying to organize my thoughts and remember what I wanted to say to the doctor. When I got into the room I did the usual routine and put on my floor length paper skirt and sat on the edge of the ultrasound table and tried not to forget what I had just tried to remember.
The doctor came in by himself first and asked how I was and I smiled and said ok. He said I had a nice white smile and I immediately started tearing up and led with, "Doctor there are some things I need to say to you. When Justin and I left here on Tuesday we were very disheartened, and upset.". Did i mention that everytime I am in a confronting situation or nervous situation i cry? Not sure why, but it just happens. So here i am in tears trying to sound mean and angry and the doctor looked at me and said, "Was I an asshole on Tuesday? Well if he wanted to put it that way, and I shook my head yes with a giggle. So I continued through the tears, "We chose you because we liked your personality, and thought you were very personal, and Tuesday you didn't seem to know our case at all.". I went on to mention my blood work that we never heard results on, the severe endo statement, and everything else that I didn't understand that he had said. His first response was, "I'm sorry. I think out loud and that is a fault of mine. I do have lots of patients, but i do know each persons chart backward and forward. Just because I might not know it that moment because I have seen 6 patients before you doesn't mean I am not putting lots of time and thought into your case. And I'm sorry if I was an asshole."
In the meantime the coordinator walked in and chimed in with some jabs towards to doctor trying to make me laugh. My tears finally stopped and we got to work on the purpose of my visit. The doctor said the results of my 15 vials of blood that I had given had come back and I do not have the disorder, disease, whatever it is that causes reoccurent pregnancy loss. Ok, check one good thing! He also said my FSH level had come back at 3.2 from the blood test I had Wednesday which is a good sign. All I know about that number is you want it to stay under 9 to be normal.
Then he did the ultrasound. He started with my right side again and my right ovary still has between 3-5 visible follicles that are very small. Soooo, not good. There has been no new follicles or growth of the ones that were seen Tuesday since I started the first med, Follistim. He then tried to find the left ovary with some difficulty again, and noticed maybe 1-2 small ones on that side, but he wasn't positive about those because it was so hard to see. Apparently my left ovary is very high and tucked in between some other stuff, ugh! Great!
So here is what he said. Start your second stimulating medicine as planned tonight. We are going to up your dose of the first med the Follistim to the max, 225IU per injection.(Twice a day, so 450 per day). We will do a blood draw today to check your levels and then take both medicines all weekend and Monday morning and come back Monday at 9am for another ultrasound/blood work appt. He said if we don't see any growth of more follicles by Monday or Wednesday we will need to have a conversation. Here come the tears again!
Then I had to go have another blood draw. Really can this day get better? Since I am a sissy I asked one of the nurses who is super sweet to hold my hand while I had my blood drawn since Justin wasn't there. She said absolutely! The nurse had a hard time finding my vein, ugh, I mean really!!!
So I drove home from the appt crying my eyes out. I can't imagine going through all of these shots for 7-9 days just to have to cancel everything. Ok, stop thinking like that and just try to stay positive. I called my mom on the drive home and pretty much cried the whole time. Its amazing how moms always know what to say to make you feel better! Thanks mom! I also called Justin and told him everything since he couldn't be there and he was also trying to be very positive and supportive. I have also decided on a phrase that I hate, "If it is meant to be, it is meant to be.". I think maybe I have said this before, but I hate it because it doesn't actually mean anything! So please don't say that to me. Ha!
Ok, so on to the evening I injections. Wow, I am not sure if it is coincidence or not but the order they give the injections seems crucial. The Follistim is 95% pain free. This next injection we started Friday night, yea not so much! I actually mixed the vials, yea I know, I couldn't believe I did it either, but there is no needle involved, only this plastic cap thing that punctures the vials. So we did the new 225IU dose of FOllistim first, and then we prepared the second one called Menopur. The needle for the Menopur is about the same gauge but a little longer and in a normal syringe. Ok, so here goes the second injection, YIKES! About the same bee sting from the needle, but the medicine burns!! Not horribly bad, but bad enough that I almost jumped. I did a little wiggle pain dance around the kitchen after the shot which surprisingly made the pain better, he he!
So today is Saturday and boy how things have changed in a few short hours. We woke up this morning at 650am to do the morning injection of just the Follistim. The Menopur is only an evening injection, the Follistim is morning and evening. Anyway, we did the injection like normal and within 10 seconds of doing the injection I got super dizzy, nauseous, and clammy. I immediately laid down on the ground because I thought I was going to faint, and then quickly had Justin help me to the bathroom just in case. The feeling went away within about 5 minutes and I thought it was weird because I have been taking the Follistim for 3.5 days now and have never had this happen. We went back to bed this morning and we woke up about 10am and I felt fine. We got ready and wanted to go out and get some breakfast before we went to a relaxing couples massage at 12:15. I called the coordinator on the way to breakfast and told her what happened, and she said sometimes that happens when u start taking higher doses and also adding the Menopur to the equation. We headed to breakfast and we were sitting waiting for a table and again I started feeling dizzy, light headed, and nauseous. We left immediately, called the massage place and canceled and headed home. I went and laid down immediately and felt really tired. I slept for about 3 hours this afternoon and just woke up. We will do the evening injections again tonight and hope for no side effects. The coordinator said to call her again this evening to check in. So it looks like I might be home bound for a couple days if the side effects continue because I am not allowed to drive. Let's just hope all these side effects mean something good is happening on the inside!!
IVs-2
Blood draws-4 Vials-20
Needle pokes-8
Thursday, September 8, 2011
Day 4
Well today was much like yesterday with little drama with my morning and evening injections. The morning one seems to hurt less than the evening one, but that hurt is still not much. and I think it is because I am half asleep. I haven't really noticed any bloating in my abdomen yet, which they said is to be expected during this process, I am just not sure when that will happen, hopefully not at all. And I think I mentioned already that they said to expect moodiness, irritability, and maybe headaches. I haven't experienced the headaches yet either, and I double checked with Justin about the other 2 and he said nothing yet....
Today was my last day of work, and it was strange that I won't be back there until the end of September, but I am greatly anticipating the relaxing time off. Maybe I can work on finding myself a new career in writing with the time off...Ha!
I am off to the doctor tomorrow afternoon, and I will update later after I give him a piece of my mind!
Today was my last day of work, and it was strange that I won't be back there until the end of September, but I am greatly anticipating the relaxing time off. Maybe I can work on finding myself a new career in writing with the time off...Ha!
I am off to the doctor tomorrow afternoon, and I will update later after I give him a piece of my mind!
Wednesday, September 7, 2011
Day 3
Not to disappoint all of you who might be looking for some really exciting dramatic story of my first injection. Like me passing out or crying.....but honestly it was actually pretty simple, easy, and quick....
I am not sure if it was because I was so tired at 645am, or what but I just shuffled out to the kitchen like a zombie, grabbed the kit out of the fridge, got out the pen, loaded the creamer like plastic thing that holds the needle inside onto the end of the pen, dialed up the
dose, handed the pen to Justin, pinched my right side of my stomach and said ok, go. And he looked at me and I looked at him and I said, "Wait, maybe I should sit down for this.". Then I realized maybe I should sit down, pinch my stomach and close my eyes. Then I said ok go. But I opened 1 eye and said, "wait, wait not ready!". Ok, deep breath, third time same position, eyes closed and baby bee sting, the sound of the pen clicking as the medicine went in, and in 6 seconds it was over. Ok, not so bad. These first medicine needles are the smallest, and I am thinking the best way to build up to the bigger ones down the road.
Then at 930 this morning I had to run to the Lab Corp down the street from my house to get a blood draw. I was nervous as usual, but this Russian nurse guy was funny and calming and was super good at doing it quickly, so I survived having 2 vials drawn, no tears, just lots of deep breaths. Ok, 2 needles down 1 to go.....
The second needle tonight was actually less exciting than the morning. Justin prepared the needle cap this time and we did everything the same. He is very gentle and I told him maybe he should think about a second career as a nurse, he he! Honestly you can barely feel these needles because they are so fine. Great news for me!
So I survived Day 3 with 3 needles.
Here are my needle numbers to date just for IVF (not including any IUI stuff)
IV's- 2
Blood draws-3 Vials-19
Needle pokes- 2
I am not sure if it was because I was so tired at 645am, or what but I just shuffled out to the kitchen like a zombie, grabbed the kit out of the fridge, got out the pen, loaded the creamer like plastic thing that holds the needle inside onto the end of the pen, dialed up the
dose, handed the pen to Justin, pinched my right side of my stomach and said ok, go. And he looked at me and I looked at him and I said, "Wait, maybe I should sit down for this.". Then I realized maybe I should sit down, pinch my stomach and close my eyes. Then I said ok go. But I opened 1 eye and said, "wait, wait not ready!". Ok, deep breath, third time same position, eyes closed and baby bee sting, the sound of the pen clicking as the medicine went in, and in 6 seconds it was over. Ok, not so bad. These first medicine needles are the smallest, and I am thinking the best way to build up to the bigger ones down the road.
Then at 930 this morning I had to run to the Lab Corp down the street from my house to get a blood draw. I was nervous as usual, but this Russian nurse guy was funny and calming and was super good at doing it quickly, so I survived having 2 vials drawn, no tears, just lots of deep breaths. Ok, 2 needles down 1 to go.....
The second needle tonight was actually less exciting than the morning. Justin prepared the needle cap this time and we did everything the same. He is very gentle and I told him maybe he should think about a second career as a nurse, he he! Honestly you can barely feel these needles because they are so fine. Great news for me!
So I survived Day 3 with 3 needles.
Here are my needle numbers to date just for IVF (not including any IUI stuff)
IV's- 2
Blood draws-3 Vials-19
Needle pokes- 2
Tuesday, September 6, 2011
Frustration and the start
Day 1 of our IVF cycle started last night (Monday Sept 5th). I was instructed to call the coordinator as soon as the cycle started so that she could let me know what our next steps were. So I called her around 8pm, and I informed her that my cycle had started and she said ok, then you will begin doing your injections on Wednesday morning. And I responded by saying, "Ok, well when and how do I get those medications?" The coordinator said, "You didn't get your medicine? No one ever called you to get your payment and send you the meds?" I told her I hadn't heard from anyone. She then continued for the next 10 minutes to express how angry she was at some guy named Oscar at the pharmacy who was supposed to call me. And she kept repeating herself over and over. Honestly, I am not sure if she had had some cocktails earlier in the evening or what!? At this point it was obvious to me nothing was going to get accomplished during this conversation, so I just told her we would figure it out tomorrow. She continued to blame it on Oscar as I hung up the phone thinking to myself, well if she would have called me and verified that I had received the medicines last week, we wouldn't be in this predicament. I was totally unaware when and how I was supposed to recieve the medicines, so to me it seemed like she dropped the ball by not following up.
So this morning, Tuesday Sept 6th, Justin and I went into the office for a pre-scheduled ultrasound/blood work appt. When we arrived one of really sweet nurses named Jennifer took my blood pressure and weight. We then waited about another 20 minutes and then were were told to head to the ultrasound room where we would see the doctor and have the internal ultrasound performed. The doctor came in after about 10 minutes and he and Justin immediately began chatting. I on the other hand, clothed from the waist down with only a large paper towel didn't have much to say, can you say akward! Anyway, the doctor began talking about Justin's blood test results and said well it came back that he has a serious disease/illness...... um, um, ok, what??!! And then his next statement was this, "Well when anything like that comes back we immediately re-test it twice and turns out the test was wrong and it was a false positive. So actually Justin is totally healthy and doesn't have anything wrong with him. Um, um, ok? Really great way to start the conversation doc! And honestly why do you tell people these things if the test results were wrong? Just to scare the crap out of people and see their facial reactions? Funny joke!
Then the doctor starts chatting with the nurse/coordinator in the room and mentions that he needs to do this certain "thing" because I didn't have a D&C procedure done. "Whoa, whoa, whoa," I said. "What are you saying? I need a what and why?" I then said, "I had a hysteroscopy and D&C performed by YOU, 3 weeks ago!!!" And the doctor responds with, "Oh yea, ok we don't need to do the "other thing".
Ummm, ok did I just tell the doctor what procedure he had performed on me? Shouldn't he know these things, my history, my infertility issues, procedures HE performed, etc?? Now I am starting to freak out! Then he started the internal ultrasound, mentions something about my lining looking good, and then says this, "Oh yea, you have bad endometriosis don't you? (as he is staring at the screen)." Ummmmm, once again I piped in with, "Well actually NO, I was told I had mild endometriosis, but not on my reproductive organs."
And his response was, hmmm, ok. Once again, freaking out!! Is there something you are seeing, that you want to mention, doctor?? Have you ever looked at my chart or history? Do you even know my name? I wanted to say all of these things, but as I mentioned these situations are very intimidating, embarrassing, and your brain seems to float away from you at times. He finally made it to my right ovary and found 4-5 follicles. He said this is a low number of follicles. He then tried to find my left ovary with no success. After about 5 painful minutes he caught a glimpse of it and very quickly said he didn't see any follicles on it. It seemed a little too quick of a look to judge or count, but hey what do I know? Well wait...... apparently more about my medical history than my doctor at the moment. I asked what this follicle count number meant and he said it is low and I asked if the medicine I was about to begin taking tomorrow would help create new follicles and he said yes. So that was hopeful!
After the doctor left the room I left my oversized paper towel skirt behind and I was told I was done for the day. I honestly don't think I could have taken anything else today considering the level of frustration I was at with the doctor's knowledge of my case. I mean really? I was relieved that I didn't have to deal with a blood draw and a needle. I was told I would start the FSH folllistim injections tomorrow morning (Wednesday) and I would do them twice a day 7am and 7pm until otherwise directed. I was also told I would need to go to a Lab Wednesday morning at 830am for a blood draw to see how my body is initially reacting to the medicine. The doctor also said I would need to come back to the office on Friday for another internal ultrasound and blood draw. Well the only time they had was 2pm on Friday, so I had to take off work. I had planned on taking off work Monday Sept 12- Monday Sept 26th, so it just looks like my medical leave will start a couple days earlier than expected.
I picked up my medicine after work this evening from Walgreens and they were really great about only giving me the smallest amounts at a time because it is so expensive and you don't want to get stuck with medicine you don't need! Let me just say for 3 days of 2 of the medicines it is $1200!!! Crazy!
So tomorrow morning Justin will become my needle adminstering buddy for the first time. Do I think he is a little nervous? Yes. Am I nervous? I think everyone knows the answer to that.
But on Friday you can bet your ass I am headed in to the office and I am going to have a serious conversation with the doctor, just him and I. I have written down my frustrations from today, and all the other questions I have. Because we deserve a doctor who knows us and knows our case. I don't want to feel like a number or something on an assembly line. I really didn't think after our initial consultation with this doctor that this is where I would be right now. Frustrated and confused, and angry! So tonight as I go to bed, I thought my anxiety would be more about this needle waiting for me at 7am (and the one at 830!), but my anxiety now has turned to questioning our choice of doctor and his staff, and putting all of our hopes and dreams into the hands of someone who probably doesn't even know my name.......UGH!!!
So this morning, Tuesday Sept 6th, Justin and I went into the office for a pre-scheduled ultrasound/blood work appt. When we arrived one of really sweet nurses named Jennifer took my blood pressure and weight. We then waited about another 20 minutes and then were were told to head to the ultrasound room where we would see the doctor and have the internal ultrasound performed. The doctor came in after about 10 minutes and he and Justin immediately began chatting. I on the other hand, clothed from the waist down with only a large paper towel didn't have much to say, can you say akward! Anyway, the doctor began talking about Justin's blood test results and said well it came back that he has a serious disease/illness...... um, um, ok, what??!! And then his next statement was this, "Well when anything like that comes back we immediately re-test it twice and turns out the test was wrong and it was a false positive. So actually Justin is totally healthy and doesn't have anything wrong with him. Um, um, ok? Really great way to start the conversation doc! And honestly why do you tell people these things if the test results were wrong? Just to scare the crap out of people and see their facial reactions? Funny joke!
Then the doctor starts chatting with the nurse/coordinator in the room and mentions that he needs to do this certain "thing" because I didn't have a D&C procedure done. "Whoa, whoa, whoa," I said. "What are you saying? I need a what and why?" I then said, "I had a hysteroscopy and D&C performed by YOU, 3 weeks ago!!!" And the doctor responds with, "Oh yea, ok we don't need to do the "other thing".
Ummm, ok did I just tell the doctor what procedure he had performed on me? Shouldn't he know these things, my history, my infertility issues, procedures HE performed, etc?? Now I am starting to freak out! Then he started the internal ultrasound, mentions something about my lining looking good, and then says this, "Oh yea, you have bad endometriosis don't you? (as he is staring at the screen)." Ummmmm, once again I piped in with, "Well actually NO, I was told I had mild endometriosis, but not on my reproductive organs."
And his response was, hmmm, ok. Once again, freaking out!! Is there something you are seeing, that you want to mention, doctor?? Have you ever looked at my chart or history? Do you even know my name? I wanted to say all of these things, but as I mentioned these situations are very intimidating, embarrassing, and your brain seems to float away from you at times. He finally made it to my right ovary and found 4-5 follicles. He said this is a low number of follicles. He then tried to find my left ovary with no success. After about 5 painful minutes he caught a glimpse of it and very quickly said he didn't see any follicles on it. It seemed a little too quick of a look to judge or count, but hey what do I know? Well wait...... apparently more about my medical history than my doctor at the moment. I asked what this follicle count number meant and he said it is low and I asked if the medicine I was about to begin taking tomorrow would help create new follicles and he said yes. So that was hopeful!
After the doctor left the room I left my oversized paper towel skirt behind and I was told I was done for the day. I honestly don't think I could have taken anything else today considering the level of frustration I was at with the doctor's knowledge of my case. I mean really? I was relieved that I didn't have to deal with a blood draw and a needle. I was told I would start the FSH folllistim injections tomorrow morning (Wednesday) and I would do them twice a day 7am and 7pm until otherwise directed. I was also told I would need to go to a Lab Wednesday morning at 830am for a blood draw to see how my body is initially reacting to the medicine. The doctor also said I would need to come back to the office on Friday for another internal ultrasound and blood draw. Well the only time they had was 2pm on Friday, so I had to take off work. I had planned on taking off work Monday Sept 12- Monday Sept 26th, so it just looks like my medical leave will start a couple days earlier than expected.
I picked up my medicine after work this evening from Walgreens and they were really great about only giving me the smallest amounts at a time because it is so expensive and you don't want to get stuck with medicine you don't need! Let me just say for 3 days of 2 of the medicines it is $1200!!! Crazy!
So tomorrow morning Justin will become my needle adminstering buddy for the first time. Do I think he is a little nervous? Yes. Am I nervous? I think everyone knows the answer to that.
But on Friday you can bet your ass I am headed in to the office and I am going to have a serious conversation with the doctor, just him and I. I have written down my frustrations from today, and all the other questions I have. Because we deserve a doctor who knows us and knows our case. I don't want to feel like a number or something on an assembly line. I really didn't think after our initial consultation with this doctor that this is where I would be right now. Frustrated and confused, and angry! So tonight as I go to bed, I thought my anxiety would be more about this needle waiting for me at 7am (and the one at 830!), but my anxiety now has turned to questioning our choice of doctor and his staff, and putting all of our hopes and dreams into the hands of someone who probably doesn't even know my name.......UGH!!!
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